Why aren't you a Trump supporter?

It’s uncool to lurk around teenage girls’ dressing rooms

I don’t run and hide from a debate like a fucking WIMP just becuase some moderator asked pointed questions

I have complete contempt for intentional stupidity

How do I know if I am a bitch? I try to be a nice person but people often jokingly call me a bitch. My family calls me a bitch sometimes too.

I know that sounds DO NOT cause cancer.

I don’t believe in asking the people of Iowa “how stupid are the people of Iowa”

I know who the president of Turkey really is

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I don’t respect shameless hucksters who try to sell a vitamin where you have to mail in your pee

I know that he didn’t run against “Obamna”

It’s uncool to set up soft porn pics with your own preteen daughter

Do snipers lay on top of tank turrets during combat?

I respect other cultures and don’t respect those who don’t

I know what Nikki Haley’s authority with the National Guard is

I have complete contempt for fakery

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I don’t respect a sleazeball who lies about his height just so he can lie about his weight

I know the difference between “George Bush” and “Jeb Bush”

I don’t buy bullshit

If you were president, how would you make America "great again?"

I know there’s no such thing as invisible planes

I understand how hurricane paths work

I respect women and don’t respect those who don’t

How much stronger is an average man than an average woman?

I know that if I or anyone I know commits a crime we’ll go to the clink

I didn’t get out of military service with fucking “bone spurs” that I paid a doctor to write

I don’t pretend not to know who David Dooky is just because he can deliver votes

Have you ever seen your wife being fucked?

I understand that when you lose an election you step the fuck aside and take it like a man rather than invade the Capitol while your loss is being made official just because you’re a fucking snowflake WIMP

Fuck that piece of orange shit, fuck his idiocracy, fuck his sexism, fuck his racism, fuck his religionism, fuck his divisionism, fuck his lying, fuck his orange face paint, fuck his worship of Cult of Ignorance, fuck his Cult, fuck his jingoistic horseshit, fuck his manuipulations, fuck his toddler-age WIMPism, fuck his fucked-up values of ME ME ME and did I mention ME, and fuck him personally with a giant razor sharp dildo that’s been preheated to 204.7° F and built to the dimensions of the Washington Monument. Slowly.

I don’t believe that Saudi Arabia and Russia “will vedoop bedeep uhhhh”

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I understand historical events enough to know there were no airports in the eighteenth century, that Canada didn’t burn the White House half a century before it existed and that World War Two already happened

Those are a few reasons off the top of my head. How ’bout you?

Let us count the ways. Captain Obvious says:

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I don’t cotton to rapists

I understand that you can’t just fucking nuke a hurricane

I have no sicko desire to control women or have a bizarro hangup with “blood”

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I don’t believe the way to respond to a hurricane is to call a press conference to describe it as “wet from the standpoint of water”, to distribute Play Doh, or to stand at a podium throwing rolls of paper towels as if they were bottles of ketchup

I don’t hold serial bankrupters in high regard

I took the same Oath and took it seriously

I can read

I don’t hide in my hotel room while everybody else keeps the appointed time and place because my hair might get wet

I know the difference between Sioux City and Sioux Falls and even Sioux Center

I understand that you can’t inject bleach or light

I understand geography enough to know that Belgium is not a “beautiful city”, that Paris is not in fucking Germany, that India does share a border with China, that that border is peppered with Bhutan and Nepal, not “Button” and “Nipple”, that time zones exist, that “shithole countries” do not, that “England” and “the UK” are not the same thing, that you cannot build a wall in Colorado to keep out New Mexico, and that the Bronx is not and has never been “a very wonderful place in fucking Germany”

I don’t watch or listen to advertising

I don’t call Tim Cook “Tim Apple” and if I do I don’t deny what’s right there on the videotape because I’m too much of a fucking WIMP to handle Reality

When I go Greenland shopping and Denmark says no I don’t melt down like a fucking WIMP

I don’t buy made-up stories of “thousands and thousands of people dancing on rooftops”

I can count

I have complete contempt for traitorism

EVEN FUCKING MIKE PENCE understands that

I see through liars

I have complete contempt for fraudsters, and even less for repeat ones

If someone works for me, I actually pay them

A real man doesn’t grab women by the p***y

I know the difference between “give me your tired, your poor” and “they’re poisoning our blood”

I have a reading level above third grade

I’ve never tried to pretend the word would means wouldn’t

When a reporter declines to join me in the rooftops fantasy I don’t go on stage and gyrate to mock his congenital disability

I have an acute aversion to scumbags

authoritarians can get down on the floor and bite my ass, yesterday

I don’t believe there is a fucking “president of the Virgin Islands”

I don’t believe Nazis, Klan klowns and white supremacists chanting “Jews will not replace us” comprise “very fine people”

I actually pay taxes